What an epic pose...

The Story

The robot D-Tritus as the protagonist, and as the game progresses, he is involved in investigating a series of bizarre murders targeted at the city’s most powerful figures in the areas of law enforcement, politics, finance and religion. With help from an unknown stranger, D-Tritus must uncover the reason and source behind the murders before all of Scrapland comes under control of the perpetrator.

Gameplay

Scrapland is a heavy mixture of I, Robot (except where Humans are seen as the evil folk), Ratchet and Clank (for it’s futuristic, and space-age setting), Robots (because everyone’s a robot -.-) and Wipeout (because of high-speed ships).

Indeed, the setting is in Scrapland itself, a large robotic city made up of a rocky scrapyard and towering skyscrapers. The setting is free roam, divided into three parts with a kind of motorway in between them (when you enter them, you get a load screen).

In each area there are places for you to set down your ship and have a run around… as MANY robots, which can be chosen at your command via the ‘Great Data Base’, which keeps record of every robot’s existence. If a robot is deceased, it can be rebuilt around its Matrix through the ‘GDB’.

Default is D-Tritus, and his special ability is to ‘phase’ at high speed in one direction, cutting through any robot in his path (killing them, obv…).

We see here a Beholder (left) with a red beam, these guys accuse robots of crimes and alert the Cops (an Armoured Cop to the right).

Others are Functionaries, Messengers, Staplers (which are just the cutest :3), Cops, Armoured Cops, Bishops, Bankers and many others! By hacking into the GDB, you can choose any robot there (unless they die and their Matrix is stolen, in which case, it’s a no-go) and they all have unique abilities, like Functionaries who can distort time.

The Scrapland currency is in $ (how original…(Imperial credits are no good here, ed.)) and to earn a LOT of money, you can destroy innocent ships and collect little tokens which make a nice *ka-CHING* sound when you fly into them, making you want to aimlessly kill some more with the Cops on your tail adding a nice high speed chase into the mix. Love it.

A great aspect of this game is the ability to build custom ships (to an extent). As the game progresses, you can either find ‘Plans’ via game story objectives, or you can find them yourself in your spare time in and around the locations available to you. When new plans are acquired, you can go to the workshop to view them.

When building a ship, you must first pick an empty hangar… then you pick a Hull (body, or chassis, shall we say…). After that, you pick an engine type (each with unique horsepower, which is kinda low, as better looking ones may have less power (thus useless for races)) and then you choose what weapons to have on it, and finally you set the thickness of the Hull (it’s health allocation). This is a good feature! +1

Ships can be flown anywhere. Whether it be on a raceway or just in random directions in all different directions, you can push the pedal to the metal and zoom off for the fun of it… and it is -seriously- good fun :D

Mmmm... flight...

You can talk to the robots around Scrapland, too, each with unique responses (and better voice acting than the ever-bemused D-Tritus)! Also; there’s only one female robot (although Staplers, I’m unsure about) and that robot happens to be the journalism Boss’ squeeze!

She's meant to be hawt... Her voice ruins it.

The gameplay may not be as good as other games, but it’s entertaining enough to be not-rubbish :D

Verdict

6/10

I like this game personally. I’ve wanted to try the Wipeout games, and I miss playing Ratchet and Clank, AND I wanted something space-y AANNDD it’s free roam! So it ticks all my boxes.

Nonetheless, the voice acting could have used more effort. Especially D-Tritus. I mean, he looks cool enough, but he sounds like he got bashed in the head at one point and forgot to see the doctor…

However: A GOOD GAME IS THIS!

This has been Rob, and this has been my review of American McGee Presents: Scrapland! :D

Here you will find a review of the game, and the game alone. However, I shall leave a link to a YouTube video which kicks off a side project which involves me reviewing my entire collection of Modifications for the game.

Box

The Story

After living in Liberty City for five years, Carl “CJ” Johnson returns to Los Santos in 1992 for his mother’s funeral. There, he finds his family and friends in disarray. While ironing out issues with his fellow friends and fighting gangs for territory within the city, Carl begins to bring his old gang back to prominence. However, with the Grove Street Families on the cusp of retaking control of Los Santos, he discovers that his best friends, Big Smoke and Ryder, are working with the crooked Officer Frank Tenpenny and a rival street gang, the Ballas, who have been the Grove Street Families’ sworn enemies for years. Smoke and Ryder set a trap and help the Ballas ambush Sweet, Carl’s brother. Tenpenny sends the police to arrest Sweet and kidnap Carl, whom Tenpenny ditches in the distant rural countryside. Carl, realizing Tenpenny is his only hope of staying out of jail or getting Sweet released, continues to run the cop’s crooked errands, in the process killing or discrediting people involved in building a criminal case against Tenpenny.

Carl steadily befriends new allies, among them blind Chinese Triad leader and businessman Wu Zi Mu, an old hippie named The Truth, and Cesar Vialpando, a person who, like Carl, has been betrayed by his old friends (And is head of a small street gang (Varrios Los Aztecas) roaming the streets of Little Mexico and El Corona). Carl and his friends open a garage in San Fierro while they wait for an opportunity to return to Los Santos. After finding and killing Ryder, Carl becomes immersed in the affairs of a shady government agent, Mike Toreno, who implies that he will release Sweet if Carl helps him with his covert operations. Then, Carl works alongside Wu Zi Mu to promote the growth of a new casino in the mafia-run Las Venturas. Consequently, Carl enjoys new-found wealth and eventually returns to Los Santos. Toreno makes good on his earlier promise to release Sweet, but much to Carl’s surprise, his brother wants no part of Carl’s new lifestyle. Sweet insists on returning to Grove Street and working to reestablish the GSF rather than rest on the laurels of Carl’s success.

Tenpenny goes to trial for several felonies, but the charges are dropped for lack of evidence, as all the prosecution’s witnesses are either missing or dead. Tenpenny’s release sends the citizens of Los Santos into a citywide riot, similar to the 1992 Los Angeles Riots. Fueled by Sweet’s resolve to topple Big Smoke, who has become the city’s biggest drug kingpin, Carl reacquires lost gang territory and hunts down the traitors responsible for pushing drugs that destroyed the Families. He kills Big Smoke in a shootout, escapes from the burning crack palace and pursues Tenpenny, who has fled with Smoke’s drug fortune. Sweet and Carl chase Tenpenny through the streets of Los Santos until Tenpenny loses control of his firetruck and drives it off a bridge. Carl is about to shoot him, “just to make sure it’s finally over,” but is stopped by Sweet. Sweet simply tells him, “It’s just a cop that died in a car accident.” Tenpenny then dies from his injuries. The final scene shows the Johnson family reunited. As his friends and allies celebrate their success, Carl turns to leave. When asked where he’s going, he replies, “Fittin’ to hit the block, see what’s happening.”

Gameplay

Like with all GTA games, San Andreas (SA) focuses on driving, so it’s only natural that the game should have the largest collection of bikes, aircraft, cars and boats than any other GTA game (unless GTA4 has more… I wouldn’t know, but SA certainly has a lot).

Sanchez, on the mountain

Also, like with previous GTA games, you have the option to hop in and out of the vehicles and wreak serious havoc. You can fire rockets at traffic and bring the army down on you, or you can base jump off of a skyscraper. The entire state is virtually yours.

The state of SA

SA was intended to have a ‘realistic’ physics engine. It certainly does, but there are still major features which contradict that statement somewhat.

Take the hovercraft for example. If you were to spawn one on top of a skyscraper, then drive it off, the hovercraft would glide down to the ground, covering several hundreds of yards before touching down on the ground. The question here is; would a hovercraft do that in real life?

Another example is the jet pack. So, the game’s set in 1992, right? It’s now 2009, 2010 in a few months… Is the government housing a jet pack in the middle of the countryside?!?!?! I doubt it. And even if they were, jet packs just aren’t possible (They are, we know, ed.).

With a long list of weaponry lying around, there are also hidden objectives for you to uncover throughout the state. In Los Santos, you must find Gang Tags and spray over them with a Grove St. Family tag, in San Fierro, there are Photo Opportunities which can only be seen through the camera lens and in Las Venturas, there are Lucky Horse Shoes to find. Throughout the whole state of SA are Oysters which can only be found in aquatic locations.

CJ can die. In many different ways. Falling from great heights, run down by a train, squashed by a car, blowing up in a car, being shot at, crashing a plane, drowning and starvation.

Charming.

All the vehicles in SA have unique handling abilities, and various top speeds. Once you’re fully established across the whole state, it’s no trouble to gather your favorite vehicles, pimp them out at a Trans Fender* or a Wheel Arch Angels and store them in the many garages that are acquired.

*(Lol. It’s funny because it sounds like Trans Gender. Hehe)

Bonus Content

After completing some sub-missions or collecting/achieving numerous items, you can gain assets for different locations, including Wang Cars, Johnson House and the Abandoned Airstrip. Weapons will also spawn at numerous locations, making it easier for you to strap up, should you lose your weapons.

The PC version of the game lets you play your custom tracks via the vehicle radio. Pretty neat!

Now for the big one.

SA on the PC was a huge hit, and it all began with one word:

Hack.

Some clever old sausages have learnt how to change the game to their own liking, whether it be a custom vehicle, different looks for CJ, a new location on the map, or even a scripting program that can bend the game physics to unique and astonishing ways.

This is what appealed to me most about this game. I wanted to have a Ford GT instead of a mangy Bullet. I wanted a TARDIS instead of a measly Sparrow. So I modded my game. Hugely.

If you have this game, I seriously recommend that you mod it, even if it’s just a few vehicles, it makes the game more interesting to play.

Note: Modding can be made simpler by using CLEO 3, IMG Tool and SAMI. Google them to find out more.

Verdict

OVER 9,000/10

This is one of the most epic games out there. SA is a revolution in both GTA and general gaming history, and when the mods hit the scene, it just became an ongoing explosion, and the gunpowder hasn’t run out.

EPIC GAME.

Here’s the video for the start of the Mod review collection:

This has been Rob, and this has been my review of Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas for PC.

Box

The Story

Gun revolves around a man named Colton White in 1880 who sets out to avenge the death of his father and gets caught up in the search for a city of gold. It is set in the American Old West, specifically Montana, Kansas, and New Mexico in the year 1880.

Gameplay

Gun is a third-person shooter, playing in the perspective of the game protagonist; Colton (or ‘Cole’).
There are 5 primary weapons that Colton can wield throughout the game: six-shooters, dual-wielding six shooters, shotguns, rifles and bows. Secondary weapons are explosives, the likes of which are Molotov Cocktails (or Whiskey Bombs) and dynamite sticks. TNT barrels can also be used as an explosive weapon, though they must be shot at to be ignited. MASSIVE DAMAGE when they go off!

The world of Gun, as the story says, is set in 1880′s Wild West. The environment is huge, ranging from open stretches of grassland to small cities and towns and then on to huge canyons. Yes, the game is a free-roamer, and I always give free-roamers a +2 on their Verdict.

The means of travelling across the world is similar to Shadow of the Colossus. Cole rides on horseback, however instead of his own horse, like SotC’s Agro, he can ride any horse so long as it has a saddle. The horses are uniquely coloured, too, so you can show some variety in your various steeds.

Riding horseback presents its own control method. You can trot, or kick the horse and start sprinting. Sprinting isn’t good enough sometimes, but more kicks every so often spur the horse on a bit further. The horse can attack for you, mainly by stamping the front hoofs (Editors: sp?). Next is a skidding attack, which isn’t as accurate as a stamp. All of Cole’s attacks work from horseback, though it’s hard to stop moving and get good aim, so I tend to use stamp when in a real emergency.

When shooting, you use real-time reload speeds, so once you’re temporarily out of ammo, you have to duck and cover while Cole reloads. With whatever weapon, you can zoom in for better accuracy. This helps in taking down enemies, yet the better option is to use Quick Draw.
Quick Draw lets you zoom into a first-person perspective, and it also slows down time and gives you unlimited ammunition, before the Quick Draw gauge empties and you revert back to the third-person. Successful kills with any weapon fills up your quickdraw gauge.

Cole’s costume changes at different points in the game. At one point, he is in the guise of an Apache indian, so there is variety in what the character looks like throughout the game. +1, veers away from repetetiveness.

Bonus Content

Throughout the game world, there are side-missions which can be played at whatever time you see fit. Completing side missions earns you cash to buy extra weapons or skills, however passive skill points are earned free of charge after a mission. Side missions include hunting, capturing wanted criminals, pony express, ranching and many others.

Verdict

9/10

The storyline is amazing, as is the combat system. There is also huge attention to detail in all aspects. The mission objectives are displayed clearly and there isn’t much of a challenge in the missions, but they’re not so easy as to become a poor game.

This has been Rob, and this has been my review of Gun for PC.

Thanks!

Box

Before we start, I would just like to say that this was my favourite PS2 game.

Like… EVER.

I’m currently planning to invest in a new PS2 and the game once more, just so I can bask in how good it is once more.

Prepare for a detailed, screenshot-ridden review.

_

The Story

Wander and his horse, Agro, are on their way to the Forbidden Land with the body of his dearest love, Mono, who was executed by her people as she was believed to have a ‘cursed destiny’.

The hero and his steed soon arrive at a windy, narrow tunnel, which they proceed through without question. On the other side is a bridge that must be at least a mile long. It’s very narrow and very high up. The bridge meets a stone door which opens itself, giving way to Wander and Agro. They slowly creep through, down stone steps as the door shuts behind them.

They reach the base of the stairway, to find a huge room consisting of 16 idols, and a stone podium towards the front.

Wander lays Mono on the stone podium, and is hailed by a sentence made up of several voices at one time. The voices are named Dormin, and they exist within each of the 16 idols. They can grant life to any fallen being, presenting Wander’s reason for coming to them: he wants to bring Mono back to life. However, they can only do this if they are restored to life as the single Dormin.

Dormin tells of how Wander’s sword, which is a stolen artifact from his hometown, is the only sword that can get the job done: he must track down and defeat each of the idols’ alternate form, which are ‘Colossi’, monstrous giants that aimlessly wander around parts of the Forbidden Land. It will not be easy.

As each Colossus is defeated, their statued counterpart crumbles, and a 16th of Dormin is released. Once the 16th Colossus is defeated, Wander almost follows suit… But Dormin uses him as a host, and transforms him into the Dormin being.

Inhabitants of Mono’s home arrive, and attempt to take down Dormin… and fail. They retreat, taking the sword that Wander stole, and Dormin slowly tries to pursue them. The leader of the troup stops before the stone doors before the bridge, and he casts the sword down the stairway and into a pool of water at the base. Dormin then reduces down to a human form, mainly Wander with horns, and is sucked into the pool after the sword.

After lots of flashy lights, we see Mono wake up. She gets up and finds Agro, who was previously thought to be dead during the fight against the 16th colossus. Together they wander down the temple to the pool of water. The pool has evaporated, and in it’s place is a newborn baby… with horns.

We then cut to the secret garden, on the roof of the temple… and also the only place to have any true life left… And the fate of Mono and the baby Wander is left unknown.

Cue credits.

Gameplay

You have the entire forbidden land to explore, and you have 16 chances to do so, in between each hunt.

As Wander, you can ride Agro across the land to get to places really quickly, or sneak/walk/run to get to places really slowly.

Raising the sword allows you to shine a beacon, which focuses when you face the direction of the next colossus to defeat (of course, it’s useless where there isn’t any sunlight). You perform simple attacks with it, a slice when stationary, a strong thrust downwards, and a leaping strike downwards. You also have a bow and arrow, which shoots further the longer you aim for.

There are fruit trees around the land, and you can only shoot down the fruits with the bow. As you eat the fruit, your health increases. Your health does increase itself, however it is slower that way.

You also have a stamina circle, which goes down the longer you hang on to something, hold your breath under water, or when you aim the bow. Stamina can be increased by default, the same with the health, OR you can hunt down and kill little black lizards. The ones with white tails will improve your stamina, normal lizards won’t.

As for defeating the Colossi, each of the 16 monstrosities have a unique way of getting to their weak spot. The creatures are a mix of buildings and flesh, so their are parts of them which Wander can actually stand on, like a building. You can grab onto the hair (or in some cases, grass) of some Colossi, and hang on for dear life as the beast tries to shake you off. Once it stops moving, you have your chance to stab it in the weak spot.

To save giving too much away, I’m not going through the gameplay of each colossi, but what I will do is present all the different colossi, in order and with their names, right here in some screenshots. The sheer size and nature of them blew me away. Each individual colossus is unique, there is not a single similarity between any of them.

Colossus #1

Colossus #2

Colossus #3

Colossus #4

Colossus #5

Colossus #6

Colossus #7

It was hard to find a decent in-game shot of this one. Here’s the best I could find:

Colossus #8

Colossus #9

Colossus #10

Colossus #11

Colossus #12

Colossus #13

Colossus #14

Colossus #15

Colossus #16

No way.
Too epic.

Wanna see #16? Play the game. It’ll be worth it. And you’ll want to play it again, just to see if you can do things better/different next time. I know I did.

Once you complete the game once, you unlock a challenge mode. The colossi are a tad harder to defeat, you take more damage and use more stamina.

Going back to a previously defeated colossus enables you to play Reminiscence mode. Nothing special, it just lets you pwn that colossus once more.

You also unlock time trial runs. If you ‘pray’ at a colossus idol, you can try to defeat that colossus within the time limit. For every 2 you defeat within the given time, you get a bonus item!

Bonus Content

If you complete the game the first time round, holding Square at the title screen will give you a brown Agro.

To unlock the Time Attack and Hard mode, you must watch the end credits all the way through, and then save the game.

As you defeat Colossi in NORMAL Time Attack mode, you unlock the following:

Whistling Arrow Defeat 2 Colossi in Time Attack mode. (Distracts a Colossi)
Cloak of Force Defeat 4 Colossi in Time Attack mode. (Enhances strength)
Mask of Strength Defeat 6 Colossi in Time Attack mode. (” “)
Lizard Detection Stone Defeat 8 Colossi in Time Attack mode. (Shows lizards nearby)
Fruit Tree Map Defeat 10 Colossi in Time Attack mode. (Shows fruit trees)
Mask of Power Defeat 12 Colossi in Time Attack mode. (Inflict greater wounds)
Cloak of Deception Defeat 14 Colossi in Time Attack mode. (Become invisible)
Flash Arrow Defeat all Colossi in Time Attack mode. (Explosive arrows)

Normal Time Attack mode is done when you play the game a second time under Normal difficulty.
So naturally, Hard mode difficulty enables you to play Hard Time Attack!

Harpoon of Thunder Defeat 2 Colossi in Hard Time Attack Mode. (Spear)
Sword of the Sun Defeat 4 Colossi in Hard Time Attack Mode. (Use beacon everywhere)
Fruit Tree Map Defeat 6 Colossi in Hard Time Attack Mode.
Shaman’s Cloak Defeat 8 Colossi in Hard Time Attack Mode. (Reduces damage taken)
Lizard Detection Stone Defeat 10 Colossi in Hard Time Attack Mode.
Shaman’s Mask Defeat 12 Colossi in Hard Time Attack Mode. (Reduces damage taken)
Cloth of Desperation Defeat 14 Colossi in Hard Time Attack Mode. (Parachute)
Queen’s Sword Defeat 16 Colossi in Hard Time Attack Mode. (The sword from Ico)

With a LOT of stamina, a LOT of skill and preferably that unlockable parachute, you can reach the Secret Garden that Mono somehow gets to at the end of the game. There are more fruit trees up here, and a terrific view of the land. Round the back, you can reach the outer side of the stone doorway, and also the mile-long bridge. Of course, Agro can’t follow you up there, so you have to walk it. It takes a loooong time in the gaming world.

Another way to get to the Secret Garden is to beat the game 4 times.

Finally, if you have a save game of Ico on your memory card, Agro’s white symbol on his forehead will become the ‘I’ of the Ico logo.

Verdict

:|

OVER 9,000!!!!/10

THIS.
GAME.
KICKS.
-ASS-.

If you play this game and do not get some form of enjoyment out of it, there is something SERIOUSLY wrong with you! If anything, people will play this game for its detail or for the behaviour of the colossi. Also, it’s different to have a game where the protagonist is the only sentient being in the WHOLE game! Except perhaps Agro or Mono (but she’s dead. Lol).

This game is Gandalf vs. the Balrog. Only, Wander is smaller than Gandalf and going up against foes two times bigger than a Balrog.

This has been Rob, and this has been my review of Shadow of the Colossus for PlayStation 2.

<3

Rob still isn't leaving captions with his images -ed

The Story

Amity Island is growing, making corporate connections with prestigious companies like Environplus to improve the Island’s economy. Unfortunately the increased population around the Island and recent industrial activity has also attracted one of Earth’s most fearsome creatures: a great white shark. When the Environplus CEO’s son falls prey to the shark’s deadly attacks, the CEO hires renowned shark hunter Cruz Ruddock to track and kill it. Meanwhile, Marine Biologist Michael Brody tries to capture the shark for research. Can Ruddock and Brody stop the shark from causing havoc and killing more people before the 4th of July celebration?

Gameplay

If you want a Shark Simulator, this is the game for you. The physical attributes of Jaws is near perfect. You swim fast, you knock things with your snout and when you chomp down on some fish or people, you can shake them around till they come loose.

After the tutorial level which talks you through the basic controls, how to find items and what they are, etc. After this, you’re in the Open Ocean, which is the area that the game levels revolve around. There are three sections of the open ocean: North, East and South. The levels are spread out in all 3 areas. The levels are also meant to be based on movie locations.

When venturing around the extensive ocean, there isn’t much for you to see. There are tons of sea creatures for you to eat, ranging from Clownfish to Manta Rays. There are also side challenges spread around the ocean in the form of buoys.

When playing a level, you normally have to go on a killing spree, but sometimes there are other challenges and puzzles that you must overcome. Jaws has unique abilities to do these, including the use of ‘shark vision’, which highlights your prey and any objective that is in the area. You can also use a target lock, which works in the same way as any other game; it targets an enemy.

As for attacks, Jaws can bite (of course… NUH) and shake them like a ragdoll, until you’re still, which is when your prey weakly struggles to get loose. Shaking a human will cause them to lose a limb, depending which way you bite them. You can bite off either leg from about half way down the thigh and below, either arm, the head or be a real bastard and bite them in half. Biting humans in half is not for the faint of heart; the guts will spill.

Jaws’ second attack is a charge, used to knock boats around and stun enemies. It’s also used for a body bomb attack, which requires accuracy and timing.

Jaws’ final attack is a good old swipe with his tail. Knock an enemy unconscious as a delicious meal, or knock a boat out of control, or use it with the charge attack to do a BARREL ROLL.

Jaws’ skills can be increased by spending points, which can be acquired by destroying boats or piers, or by eating things. You can improve Accuracy, Power, Speed, Hunger and Health.

As Jaws roams the ocean, his hunger bar will decrease, and is a wake up call for you to get him fed. Smaller creatures like Eels or sea snakes only boost your hunger bar up a little bit, whilst eating things like squid or other smaller sharks nearly tops it up. If the hunger bar reaches zero, your health will start to decrease. Eating fills up your health meter, too.

In the levels, you’re given a brief, dumbed-down explanation of what to do… but you’re never told how to do it. This is BAD. Only occasionally does the game tell you how to do something, any other time, you have to sit around shouting at the game, or Alt+Tab-ing to the internet to find out how other people did whatever it is you want to do. BAD JAWS. BAD.

In some levels, there will be a ‘boss battle’. Two involve taking down a creature, whilst others require you to kick some human ass.

I’ll focus on the creatures here, because I swear they’re movie references.

The first creature you face off against is only a few levels in, and it’s an Orca, or Killer Whale. Now, who’s to say this isn’t a Jaws vs. Free Willy fight? Jaws wins of course. It’s a good fight, and had me going for quite a while.

The second creature is just badass. It’s so freaking awesome. In a room with grinders at four corners and a meat-chopping fan underneath, it’s Jaws vs. a Giant… GIANT Squid. Like with the Orca… This could well be another reference to a famous sea-creature from a movie. What one, you ask? The giant squid from 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea, of course! And there’s a strategic way of defeating that bad boy… but you can find out for yourself!

Bonus Content

Aside from unlocking extra moves and attacks via points, as you find 4 cans in each level, you unlock a scene from the Jaws movie. Neato.

Also, on every loading screen is a piece of Jaws trivia. But the text takes ages to move across the screen, and some of the info isn’t remotely interesting. BORING.

Verdict
6/10

The game is brilliant in representing a killer shark and it’s natural behaviour. The animations on everything else is good, too, and the ideas in each level are original and interesting.

As for the game not being informative enough for the missions… sucky. It makes it more difficult than it should be, especially if you finally get something done using instinct and then learn there’s a faster, easier way to do it. Hmph.

Oh, one last thing. Here’s the game icon… I lol’d.

This has been Rob, and this has been my review of Jaws Unleashed for PC. Thanks!

Rob still doesn't leave us captions - Ed

The Story

Mysterious happenings are occurring in Springfield; a horde of robot wasps descend upon the city at the beginning of the game. After a tractor beam kidnaps Bart outside a stadium, Lisa attempts to find her brother by exploring the town for clues. She learns that the black sedans that have been appearing around town are connected to Bart’s disappearance. Lisa eventually finds Bart on a ship in Springfield harbor. He appears to have memory loss and is mumbling unintelligibly while occasionally mentioning the sedans and Buzz Cola, the “new and improved” cola drink recently launched by television personality Krusty the Clown. Marge sets out to learn what has affected Bart. As she investigates a crop circle that recently appeared in Cletus Spuckler’s crop field, Abraham Simpson tells Marge that the crop circle is an exact replica of the Buzz Cola logo. Marge gives a can of the cola to Bart, which snaps him out of his stupor. Bart reveals that the new Buzz Cola is a mind-control cola produced by aliens. Marge decides to purge Springfield of the cola, but in spite of her valiant efforts, the drink still maintains its popularity^.

Inspired by Marge’s efforts and remorseful for selling the cola in the first place, Apu tries to discover the source of the cola. Snake Jailbird tells him that the cola trucks are registered to the Springfield Museum of Natural History. Apu and Bart decide to go inside the museum, where they find a meteor as the source of the cola. They eavesdrop on a conversation between aliens Kang and Kodos, who are masterminding a scheme. Apu and Bart learn that the wasp cameras are filming the antics of Springfield for an intergalactic reality show, Foolish Earthlings. The aliens are using the cola to make people insane, by which time Kang and Kodos will distribute laser guns among the populace to drive the town to a violent massacre sure to draw many viewers^.

Apu is frightened of the aliens and cowardly refuses to help any further, so Bart takes it upon himself to foil Kang and Kodos’ plan. He asks Krusty for help, but Krusty informs Bart that he has already helped the Duff Brewery set up free laser gun stands around Springfield. Bart then goes to his father, Homer, for help, and the duo quickly pursue Kang and Kodos to the brewery. However, the aliens escape, and before departing, they reveal that they have already released Buzz Cola throughout Springfield’s water supply. As the cola seeps into the ground, it releases the un-dead from the Springfield Cemetery, who invade Springfield. When Homer collects supplies to protect his family and home from the marauding zombies, he decides to pursue a black sports car—which he believes belong to the aliens—to the Springfield Nuclear Power Plant. The car, however, belongs to Professor Frink, who has discovered the aliens’ weakness: nuclear waste. He plans to use the space ship’s tractor beam to suck up cars that are loaded with drums of nuclear waste. After successfully loading Frink’s car, along with three more, into the aliens’ tractor beam, the ship explodes. The following day, Springfield is returned back to normal.

Gameplay

The game characters you can play as, barring characters inside cars, are:

• The whole Simpson family (duh)

• Apu

Why Apu, I don’t know, any Springfieldian could have been playable, but this is how it is! All the characters have the same running speed and jumping height. They each have unique vehicles, each with their own stats. Other cars are obtainable throughout the game, either out of choice, or in order to proceed to the next part of a mission.

There are 7 levels, and you play as a different character in a selection of each. Apu is only playable once, Bart twice, Lisa once, Marge once and Home twice. Is that because Bart and Homer are more popular in the franchise? Meh.

In a level, you can either walk or drive places. Walking is dreadfully slow compared to driving, so cars are your primary transport. If you run over peds or smash obstacles, a bar circling the mini-map will increase around the map radius until it reaches the other side, where you get a Hit and Run, where police cars come at you from all directions (really pisses you off if you’re trying to do a mission quickly).

Throughout each level are collectible cards and coins. Coins bail you out of Hit and Runs and are currency to buy cars and extra character costumes.

If you get zapped by a flying wasp, you lose a few coins. No biggy, the wasps only take one hit to bust, and they spill a load of coins anyway.

There are times where you can run around the level in your own time, though an objective will still be there for you to complete, by default.

Bonus Content

You can unlock character costumes from shops in each level. The costumes include the likes of Bartman for Bart, Officer Marge for Ma-.. Yeah.
Also Homer the Chosen One, Lisa in ‘Cool’ gear and Apu dressed ‘like an American’.
All the costumes cost a certain amount of coins.

Collect all the collector cards in the game, and you unlock an Itchy and Scratchy movie!
YAY! \o/

Verdict

8/10

The classic Simpson-style gags are there, the loveable characters are there, the lengthy gameplay is there.

But it took me several attempts to complete some missions… Not because I was rubbish (there is NO difficulty level) but because of the annoying aspects of the game. If you so much as tap another vehicle, it just stops and you have to waste precious time to reverse back and circle round it. ANNOYING. -1.

Another minus is the Hit and Run. It’s a good idea, and if it wasn’t for this feature, the game title would be fucked. But when it happens, and you smash into a police car… instead of having to circle round it, you are rendered immobile, charged 50 coins and then the screen fades out, WITH THE TIMER STILL GOING. It’s a challenge, which is good in all games, but an unneccesary one. -1.

This has been Rob, and this was my review of The Simpsons Hit and Run for PC.

Thanks!

The Endless Forest… has no point. There is no story. You are simply a deer, in a forest.

Damn right, you're a Deer.

Gameplay

After registering with the site, you are then able to download the program. You customize your own Deer to a certain extent, with a unique symbol.

You can then run around a looping ‘Endless Forest’. There is no objective, the idea is for you to run around and pretend to be a deer. You can perform actions such as a call and lying down to sleep when you move away from the window. There are minor activities for you to participate in. The site says: “Nothing very demanding or violent. Just fun things to do in a nice environment.”

Pansies.

Of course, it's free, and online. There is no box art.

The Forest itself consists of locations such as a ‘mysterious ruin’, a ‘lovely pond’, etc. which are open for you to run or trot to every so often. There are little lights scattered everywhere, presenting a mytsical illusion of sorts.

There really isn’t much else to say! The program is completely made from scratch, is freeware, and it is compatible with joypads.

Bonus Content

None.

Verdict

7/10

If there ever was a game made solely for someone to get away from the troubles of life, and simulate themselves as the peaceful Deer, this game is it. Sadly, however, this does not apply to most gamers. But points are awarded for it being something a little different, standing out from other games.

This game should be played with background music of Brian Eno or some other ambient artist.

I can’t even think of  a suitable genre for it, but whatever you call it, I like it. It’s a free roamer, I’m the free roam guy! I’m also into ambience, and my ambient music will fit in nicely with this little number. Free and small to download, here’s the site link.

This has been Rob, you’ve been reading my review of The Endless Forest for PC.

Thanks!

THAW Box Art

The Story

Like with THUG 1 and 2, THAW gives you a character whose name is never uttered once. But, like always, you can save the skater under a chosen name.

First off, THAW deviates from the Hawk gaming tradition and gives you a choice of different character templates to select and use for the rest of the game. They each have unique animations depending whether they are chosen to play as or not.

Here’s where the story begins.

Your character has left home. Whether they ran away or or made a planned getaway, we don’t know, but eventually they get off the coach at Hollywood, LA. Straight away you get sucker punched and robbed by some skate punks (it’s a Hawk game, what other punks would Activison use???). Sitting on the floor in desperation, a cute little emo named Mindy appears and rapes you.

Just kidding.

She takes you through the tutorial to kick off the game, and you learn the basic customization options, all done in-game.

You win your stuff back, you get in with Mindy’s gang, and soon, the game goal is clear to you: DESTRUCTION. You and the gang decide to pimp out the Skate Ranch by using buildings and structures throughout the whole LA state. You work your way through missions from all kinds of people, and after a few snags and troubles, you get it done, and American Wasteland is born.

Gameplay

Naturally, all the skating tricks, plus some specials AND custom tricks, are available for you to use to string together a nice big combo of skateness. Nothing special about that, it’s a common trait in the Hawk games.

In the game, you can create a custom skater, which is changeable from the clothing to the height and build, a unique trick which can be a combination of many existing tricks, or a grab trick turned into a grind trick, or vice versa. Finally is the Park Editor, which allows you to build your own custom skate park.

Mmm... tasty melon

Like with THUG2, there is a story mode, and a classic mode. Story mode being the only option to feature the free-roam (like Fable, but without load screens) gameplay. Story mode speaks for itself: it’s the story. Classic mode, however, takes you back to good old THPS3-style gaming. A selection of levels, 10-or-so goals in each level, complete a number of goals to unlock the next level. Gaming bliss.

There is also Free Run mode, where you pick a level, and just mess around doing all kinds of random things.

Again, another similarity to THUG1 and 2 is the ability to walk. However, in THAW, you can discard your board and go parkour, which I must say is bloody awesome! Another difference is that you can take control of a BMX and go biking. Though the tricks are limited compared to when you use a board, this is an interesting bonus to the game.

Bonus Content

THAW, like previous Hawk games, has unlockable characters which you can play as in free run or classic mode. There are SO many characters to unlock!!! Even in Create-A-Skater, you can type in a unique name, and a skater will appear with likenesses to the game designers. But special characters include Billy Joel from Green Day, Matt Hoffman pro BMX-er and all the Pros who appear in the game. Unlockable levels to play in with free run mode are also unlockable.

Verdict

9/10

Skating. Walking. Parkour. BMXing. Destruction.
The game contains all the traits of a classic Hawk game, whether you prefer THUG or THPS.

Minus one mark, as the free roam is only operable in story mode. This sucks.

This has been Rob, you’ve been reading my review of Tony Hawk’s American Wasteland for PC.

Thanks!

Rob keeps forgetting to leave notes about captions - Ed

The Story

Fable is set in the mystical land of Albion, in a kind of medieval era. We begin with a little narration about the life of a young boy, who we shall soon know as the Hero.

His home village of Oakvale is attacked shortly after the game introduction, and after running past the burning bridges and buildings, the boy finds his father… dead. His mother and sister are both missing.

The boy is about to be killed by one of the attacking Bandits, when a Heroes Guild member, Maze, appears. Maze makes short work of the Bandit, and offers to take the boy away to the Guild where he could begin training, and eventually develop into the Hero he’s always wanted to be, and to avenge his family’s death.

We skip a number of years and reach the Hero’s adolescence. He then sets off into the wide world, obtaining Quest Cards from the Guild and embarking on many adventures.

Soon, Maze contacts the Hero with information regarding his family. He learns that his sister, Theresa, is still alive, living among Bandits as a slave. We learn that she is blind, as her eyes have been torn out.

The Hero breaks into the Bandit camp, and defeats the Bandit leader, Twinblade. Theresa also says that she’s had visions of the future in her mind, that the Hero will become the arena champion.

Time passes, and the Hero indeed becomes the arena champion. This is where the Hero meets the game’s main antagonist, Jack of Blades.

Here, we learn in an interesting twise that Jack hired Maze to destroy the Hero’s town, which does explain why Maze was there in the first place. The Hero hereby makes it his priority to destroy Jack of Blades.

It turns out the Hero’s mother is also still alive, and we learn that she was also a member of the Heroes Guild, for a time. ‘Scarlet Robe’, as she was once known, was taken during the Bandit raid on Oakvale, and locked in Bargate Prison, where the prisoners are tortured once a year.

The Hero finds his mother, and whilst he attempts to rescue her, he himself is caught by none other than Jack, and both the Hero and his mother are cast into the cells.

A year passes, as the Hero uses luck and skill to release himself and the other prisoners. He escapes with Scarlet Robe, and they begin to hunt down Jack, and learn how he intends to obtain a key that will allow him to possess the Sword of Aeons.

After chasing Jack down, the Hero defeats him and must decide what to do with the Sword of Aeons…

That was the story for the Xbox version of Fable. For PC, Lionhead Studios added in an extra storyline for you to complete after that one.

Time’s ticking, I’ll keep this short:

The Hero must help another Guild legend, Scythe, prevent the coming of a ‘great evil’. This great evil is Jack of Blades once more, reincarnated as a dragon. Once defeated, the Hero must decide whether to wear Jack’s mask, or cast it away and be rid of evil forever…

Gameplay

Fable was a breakthrough in RPG gaming. As the Hero, you can modify the character alignment to either be Good or Evil. I’ve only played as a Good Hero at the moment, and it’s pretty hardcore from that point of view.

In combat, you can use Mana (or, Magic) and Melee. Mana involves using attack and defence spells, whilst melee asks you to be a bit more inventive… One button attacks, whilst another will let you use your weapon to block any blow from an enemy. Sometimes this is awkward to do, and the Hero still gets covered in scars.

Major flaw: you cannot jump. Although the ability would be useful, as you play the game, you feel that it doesn’t need a jumping ability, and that the game is just as resourceful and entertaining without it.

Albion is free roam, in a sense that it’s broken up into lots of sections where there’s a load screen in between each place.

There are Silver Keys and other in-game items to gather, however the Keys are most important. There are 30 in total, but some are not obtainable, depending on your alignment as the game progresses.

There are also Demon Doors spread across Albion. These are good old comic relief, as they all have unique personalities and opinions on life! You ‘persuade’ the doors to open, and a bonus goody is inside.

Bonus Content

There are no bonus content for the game. There is only the in-game bonuses, such as the Demon Door prizes and objects found in lakes or ponds, or in certain grounds where you can dig them out.

Verdict

Overall rating: 8/10

You can’t jump. There are load screens throughout the land. Bummer.

Everything else, however… is pure perfection.

This has been Rob, you’ve been reading my review of Fable: The Lost Chapters for PC.

Thanks!

Ultimate Spider Man is based on the Marvel comic book of the same name, linked to the bigger Ultimate Marvel universe.. It takes some of your favourite superheroes and supervillains and changes them around a little bit into another Marvel storyline.

We begin with Peter Parker, the real identity of Spidey, narrating a little backstory about the birth of one of his most famous adversaries, Venom.

Peter stumbled upon a special fluid that was made by his father, and also the father of Eddie Brock jr. The fluid was intended to improve the human body and life source, but locked away as it could not be controlled. A little sample turned his suit black, and enhanced his powers a little (if you’ve seen Spider Man 3, you’ll know what happens now). The enhancements cause him to be quick to anger, and lead him to ignorance and arrogance and a lot of negative issues ensue, and he gives the suit up. In the game, I don’t know what happens to it, but when Eddie Brock Jr. finds out that Peter used the fluid on himself, he feels betrayed that his own father’s work was somewhat stolen by his friend.

Eddie drank the remaining fluid, and it caused him to be transformed, without warning, into a suit that was bonded with both himself and a rabid creature with its own mind.

Since then, Eddie has been suffering horrific transformations into the badass Venom and rampaging the streets, sucking out people’s life force. He goes on knowing that he’s doing it, but unable to stop as he has absolutely no control. Poor sucker.

So begins the main game storyline. Peter beats up Venom a few times, whilst along the way encountering Nick Fury, agent of S.H.I.E.L.D, Silver Sable, Rhino, Beetle, Bolivar Trask, Adrian Toomes and a large number of familiar Marvel characters.

Peter discovers that Trask wants to use the Venom suit as a weapon, but knows that the suit is uncontrollable. He manages to capture Venom (Eddie), so he wants Peter to be a guinea pig, and tests out his own version of the fluid, and thus turning Peter into Carnage, a little shit with tentacles, likenesses to both Venom and Spidey, and who can be a bastard to defeat if you don’t know how.

Anyway, once Carnage is defeated, Venom absorbs the remaining life force of the creature, and with it the tiny ounce of fluid that Peter drank. He spits out Peter, and announces he now has total control over the Venom suit. So he goes after Trask, seeking revenge. Spider-Man defeats Venom one last time, and in return, Trask lets Peter look at documents surrounding his Mother and Father’s deaths, which is information Peter has longed to learn of.

He wishes for Eddie to read the documents, and asks Nick Fury to give them to him. Eddie (or Venom), however has dissappeared…

Gameplay

The entire city of New York, and even Peter Parker’s hometown of Queens, is at your disposal. This is a major source of epic win: Free. Roam. Personally, I cannot get enough of free roam games!

You can play as both Spider Man -and- Venom, by default for the storyline, or you can choose for yourself once you complete the main story.

When playing as Spider Man, you do exactly what it says on the tin: be a spider.

As for controls, you are reminded a LOT about Spider-Man 3. Nearly everything is the same! You can swing from everything higher than a 2-storey house, web zip from anything lower than a two-storey house and jump like a giant fucking grasshopper, which is strange, as he’s Spider-man, not Grasshopper-man (though, that would be an interesting concept).

The bonus mini-tasks for you to complete as Spidey are divided into 4 categories… Combat Tours, City Events, Tokens and Races.

Combat Tours require you to traverse a part of the city, beating up groups of bad guys as you go. The further you progress, the harder the Tours get. No really, they are -hard-.

City Events are just random shit that happens as you swing about the city. Either a car has been jacked, or someone’s hanging from a ledge (where sometimes, you wonder how the God-in-Fuck they got there) or it’s just a gang of bad guys for you to shoot some web at.

Tokens are in 3 types. One for significant locations, one for Ultimate Spider Man comic book cover unlockables and one which are an arsefuck to find, and no wonder as they all have a question mark in them.

Races are races against the clock, OR there is a bonus race against Johnny Storm of the Fantastic 4. Yep, another Marvel character thrown in for kicks.

As Venom, the controls are VERY different. You have to absorb the life force of citizens in order to keep your health up (all the time. No really, even during the story you HAVE to keep doing it, otherwise you… well, die).

Where Spider Man swings, Venom jumps. Almost like the Incredible Hulk, but you get the feeling he does it ten times better than ol’ Green-Muscle. The web zip move is similar, except Venom lashes out a tentacle and yanks himself forward.

For both characters, there are two attack buttons which you can use with grapple, web/jump and zip buttons to kick more ass. Pretty simple, and unoriginal. We see this idea in a lot of games. It’s ok, but combat moves like ones in the Spider-Man 2 game would be awesome.

Venom also has bonus tasks. So far, I’ve only found a mix of both a race and a combat tour, which involves going places and absorbing a life force along the way, instead ot beating the crap out of people.

Bonus Content

You can unlock Spidey skins after completing various tasks in the game. Also, you can view 3D galleries of characters that you encounter, plus look at the comic book covers you find in tokens.
Why the fuck do they do that? Who cares if you can watch a bobbing 3D character spinning round, it’s not as if you can PLAY as that character! God, that would be awesome, Wolvering with spider powers… and the comic books! What, it’s tempting me to try and pull out the original comic from the screen? Why do I care how a comic book looks? I wanna play the game!

Here’s a list of unlockable Spidey skins, and how to get them.

Arachnoman Complete 90 City Events, Collect 90 Tokens & Complete 48 Combat Tours
Parker Hoodie Complete 75 City Events, Collect 75 Tokens & Complete 32 Combat Tours
Peter Parker Complete 50 City Events, Collect 50 Tokens & Win 4th Race Against Johnny Storm
Spidey Wrestling Complete 30 City Events & Collect 30 Tokens
Symbiote Spider-Man Complete 100 City Events, Get All Tokens & Finish All Combat Tours

Yeah. Not many. -.-

Verdict

Overall rating: 10/10

Ultimate Spider Man is a good game. In short, Activision took Spider-Man 2 and Spider-Man 3, threw them together and added a second character to play as. The result? Awesome.

This has been Rob, you’ve been reading my review of Ultimate Spider-Man for PC.

Thanks!