Recently there’s been a boom of modern pc games adopting what they call ‘matching systems’ for online play. Don’t get me wrong, it’s been around on consoles for years, but as a pc gamer I like to think I rise above the level of intelligence needed to choose a good server, say that of a small woodland animal. The system has arrived mainly due to an influx of gays not knowing how to navigate a 2-button server browser, but that’s beside the point. Both Dawn of War 2 and Modern Warfare 2 amongst many others have adopted this system, and I’ve got nothing against it, apart from, hey, IT DOESN’T FUCKING WORK.

I was so looking forward to Modern Warfare 2, and once they announced that they were implementing “no dedicated server support” a few weeks before release, my heart sank. So much so that I decided to sellotape my cat to a rocket and launch it through Activision’s head office window.

» Read more: “I am bored, therefore I must eat, masturbate and play Audiosurf” #2