We asked writers, contributors and friends of MOREtotheGAME to write an article detailing a game they think everyone should play before they die, and why. These are what happened…

Hello you lovely people. This is some sort of section where the silly people here at MTTG tell you to play some sort of game before you die. Because I was asked nicely, I agreed to join in. Anyone with any sense will have probably already read this on my blog, but hey, it’s here now, so here you go. My contribution: Theme Hospital.

There are people who don’t like old games. They would see system requirements like 75MHz processor, 16MB of RAM and Direct X 5, and immediately return the game to the shelf to find the latest GTA, Call of Duty or Halo. Those people are fools and deserve to miss out on the greatness that these games have to offer. Others will pick it up and read the blurb which asks “Can you balance the books and the bedpans?” and decide that any sort of financial balancing act is beyond them. “Design maintain and manage a hi-tech hospital facility?” they would scoff, “Making the most of limited resources and turning cures into cash? Who do you think I am?” They chuckle to their equally idiotic friend. “You’ll be struck by the fun, if you don’t get struck off.” They will guffaw, put the game back in the wrong place and then go off to beat a prostitute over the head and claim that this is the best thing ever. They are fools and should be shot. Twice.

Now, whilst I don’t have a specific problem with GTA (even if the franchise is horribly dead), or CoD, which can offer some fun, even Halo, in all its horrendously overrated glory, can provide moments of fun, they do not bear comparison to the joy offered by a Bullfrog title like Theme Hospital.

Let me take you back to your childhood. When you were young and asked “What is it you want to be when you grow up?” you probably said “Batman” or “Wonder woman”, maybe “Princess” for some of the boys at the back, you might have said you wanted to be a fireman, or a vet. deep down, however, we all know what you meant. Really you wanted to be a hospital administrator. You always wanted the pleasure of choosing who to hire, you wanted to manage details like making sure patients had enough seating, you wanted to ensure you had fire extinguishers ready, enough heating to keep people warm. Make sure there were toilets and a staff room. All the little details. You wanted the chance to entertain visiting VIPs, impress the hospital board and get a promotion.

I can hear you all laughing. You think I’m crazy. There is no way that something like this could be fun. What is this silly man talking about? This isn’t a game I should be playing before I die. Well, the intro video will probably go some way to showing you that this game isn’t all about hard work.

If you think you are in for just simple diseases, think again. This is a 1997 Bullfrog game, it has humour. Diseases include Bloaty head (which needs popping), Invisibility, Slack Tongue (Which needs chopping off) and baldness (Yes there is a cure!). Your wonderful receptionist will ask people not to die in the corridor, keep their germs to themselves and, of course, telling the morgue patients to be quiet. Even hiring staff members can be fun when you read some of the personality descriptions provided.

There is depth to this game, varying missions, all with different requirements, chances to shoot rats between some levels, and trying to get one up on the other, computer controlled, hospitals, all with familiar names. There is a multi-player option, but that isn’t as easy as it sounds. This was a DOS game, and as such the protocols available in the multi-player patch (Serial Cable, Modem, and IPX/SPX) aren’t really available on modern PCs. There are some work-a-rounds, but none for the more recent OSs, at least that I’ve found. That’s no great loss, and the other patch, the one that makes people pregnant, is still alive and kicking.

So why do I want you all to run a hospital before you die? This game is funny. I don’t just mean that you will snicker a bit at people as you watch them use the toilet, I mean there is a layer of humour here that Bullfrog did well in the games of this era. The game play is great, the challenge really does grow as you progress, and the graphics, while not super-realistic, aren’t too shabby for a game that is now 12 years old.

There are no invading armies (except some rats), there are no guns (except for use on aforementioned rats), there are no prostitutes (at least as far as I know), no zombies (although people can die) and there isn’t any Hot coffee (although people can get pregnant), but this is game in many ways superior to GTA IV, CoD 4, Halo 3, and many other modern games.

This is Theme Hospital. On the PC not the PlayStation. This needs to be played before you die.

MTFBWY

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This content is reposted from the Random Blog of Random Blogginess. The original post can be found here. It is used, with permission, under the Creative Commons Attribution-Non-Commercial-Share Alike 2.0 UK: England & Wales License. Any trademarks or copyrights relating to Theme Hospital, Bullfrog or EA are the property of the respective trademark and copyright holders. They are used under fair use and no infringing claims are intended.

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