Apologies for my lack of article last week, anyone would think I had a hectic schedule or something wouldn’t they? As it stands, I’m just a forgetful, lazy bugger without an amazing immune system. If I were ever to try to take over the world, all it’d take to thwart me would be a bit of a cold. My plans would be ruined, ruuuiiinneed!

So yes, Flash games. That would be the topic of choice what with this being FlashFriday and all. This week I’ve dropped the two-games-per-post thing in the interests of actually getting this out on time, we’ll see if it stays this way or not in the future. (Coincidentally, did you know the comments section is a great place to tell me I suck? You should totally try it)

Shopping Cart Hero! That’s what I’m here to talk about. Released in February 2009 by MonkeyWantBanana, who have this rather bright website I can link you to, it’s a take on the classic “Do X to earn money. Buy Upgrades to do X better. Do X better to earn more money. Use that to buy better upgrades. Buy upgr- Well, you get the picture” model of Flash games. Not the most exciting of gameplay, but quite addicting if done well.

You play some stick figure guy, he’s a pretty awesome guy clearly, as he spends his life thundering down a ramp in a shopping cart. Hit some keys in specific points on the hill to get your power and jump height, and shazam- You have wobbly-wheeled liftoff! Now to keep balance with the cursor keys to avoid a nasty landing…

The further/higher you go, the more monies you receive as an award. Who’s paying you to leap off of a hill in a shopping cart? They’re clearly doing a bad job of sponsoring the event, if that’s what they’re paying for. I see no banners, no ad-emblazened stick jumpsuit, nothing! This leaves me to conclude that it is infact some creepy old guy who gets off on extreme shopping who is bankrolling this perilous endeavour, come on, you know I’m right. This is the internet, remember?

Anywho, you save up enough of this dirty, dirty money and you can purchase some upgrades for your shopping cart: Rockets and racing wheels for going faster, tricks and groupies to increase your ‘style multiplier’, giving you more money- Wait, you can buy groupies in this game? Female groupies? You’re spending your perverse money on girls now are you? Well, I can see how this has no Australian console release, it’d be refused certification. (You can totally get it for the iPhone though, check their site)

The overall aim is, of course, to get all the upgrades and get a lovely highscore on the game’s boards. Or, if you’re playing on Kongregate it’s to get all of the badges. Because 0/5 needs badges.

Yes, it’s time for my rant on Kongregate’s userbase once again. I’m such a people-hating bastard. Or not, because this week I actually had some interesting conversation, holy crap.

Anywho, I decided to enter the fray and get some opinions on the game, as well as do some shameless whoring of this feature (To anyone visiting from Kongregate, HI!), and I got this on the matter:

So yes, some people on Kongregate actually care beyond 0/5 needs badges, a shocking revelation to me, I must say. So, if you’re asking yourself now ‘Should I play Shopping Cart Hero?’, my answer is thus- You’ve got enough time to sit here reading my waffle, you must have time to go and play a fairly entertaining game too.

’till next week, Toodles. And remember, I feed on comments.

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